The Blondes: A Novel

The Blondes on NPR's most sensible Books of 2015 record and a Bookpage most sensible publication of 2015

“Emily Schultz is my new hero.” ―Stephen King

The Blondes is a hilarious and whip-smart novel the place an outbreak of a rabies-like affliction is carried in basic terms by means of blonde girls, all of whom needs to visit nice lengths to hide their blondeness.

Emily Schultz’s superbly discovered novel is a mixture of satire, mystery, and critical literary paintings. With biting satiric wit, The Blondes is without delay an exam of the advanced relationships among girls and a cruel yet giddily stress-free portrait of what occurs in an international the place attractiveness is―literally―deadly.

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The boy squinted as though he have been rather assessing it. I snuck a look. If I remember, it used to be the color of peanut butter, dust combined with honey, golden olive, neither brown nor yellow. Mousey, my mom might have known as it, now not that this wealthy long island college lady may ever have set foot in my mother’s partly wood-panelled salon. “Get a good-looking one,” the boy informed her. Yeah … the radio moaned. the woman nodded, then began to cry. because the music ended, she drew the again of her hand throughout her face, like an overtired little child. I appeared away. As i ended my sandwich, it happened to me that the scoop captions on television had all been directed at males. there has been not anything concerning the signs girls should still search for in themselves. “You replaced it back. …” Natalie, the concierge on the Dunn lodge, nodded at my hair, which used to be again to easy brown. My issues have been packed and that i was once paying her upfront for the quantity owing on room 305. Her hair color was once nonetheless an identical, chestnut. She instructed me she had beloved mine ahead of, while it was once shiny “like nasturiums. ” “This epidemic …” She shook her head. whereas she used to be awaiting the computer to procedure my bank card, she stated, “You recognize who doesn’t need to fear approximately this factor? The juice. ” She whipped up the receipt and patted it onto the counter. “Of direction, I shouldn’t say that, simply because might be you're. yet my mom and dad have been Sicilian, so we’re just like the juice. ” “Sorry? Pardon? perhaps I’m what? ” I stared on the receipt, pen in hand. “Jewish,” she stated. “This epidemic passes correct by way of them love it has its flip sign on. with the exception of one or blonde ones I examine in Israel. It’s long gone the complete global over. nearly as undesirable as swine flu. ” “No, I’m now not Jewish,” I acknowledged, and signed the receipt. “Well, too undesirable you’re no longer. They’re lucky—they’re generally secure. My sister’s after me to color this black like hers, yet then we’d glance an excessive amount of alike. ” I had a professor in Toronto, Dr. Jacques, who stated that first thing you spotted a couple of individual was once their hair. that you just didn’t see their face; you observed the best way the hair framed the face, and well-known the individual from this. That’s why whilst a person replaced their hair color or reduce it enormously it took you for much longer to acknowledge them. might be Dr. Jacques used to be correct. I hadn’t seemed heavily on the sisters’ positive aspects as they Windexed the door home windows or slapped keys onto the board at the back of the table, yet now I observed essentially that they have been twins. “Y’all acquired it in Tor-on-to? ” Natalie said each syllable, the best way I had while I’d first moved to that urban 3 years prior to. 3 and a part years in the past now. I had speedy realized to assert it Tronna like everybody else, like whatever slick that you simply slip on strolling down the road. Like puppy shit. I advised her that from what I’d heard we did, and i was once in simple terms going for a quick stopover at. I’d be again in every week or . I’d make a room reservation on-line like I had ahead of. I didn’t be aware of if i used to be telling the reality or now not. “Just appear. We’ll look after ya,” Natalie acknowledged, and punched the yellow invoice onto a stick.

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